By Goldie, Senior Correspondent, Glitter Paper Staff (and only qualified journalist available)
Witness describes events as an “Epic Journey.” Authorities question why he keeps rescuing his assassins.
Bane of Dark Gods has officially escaped into the world, despite what reliable sources describe as an unreasonable number of assassins, dark gods, magical catastrophes, and one author’s apparent inability to write anything simple.
Early reports are troubling.
One reader described the book as an “Epic Journey,” praised its unlikely friendships, and reported being on the edge of her seat. More concerningly, she confirmed what this newspaper has long suspected: people keep being sent to kill Raor, and he keeps saving them.
This is clearly inefficient.
The same witness also filed an unsolicited complaint regarding Koss’s personal hygiene. Representatives for the Ember Dwarf declined to comment, although several nearby travelers reportedly agreed with the assessment.
Other readers have remained suspiciously quiet.
Whether this is due to emotional devastation, recovery from excessive late-night reading, or simply forgetting that authors survive largely on tea and reviews remains unknown.
The Goldie Glitter Paper intends to investigate.
CORRECTION: Issue 001 reported that Bane of Dark Gods had been “tamed.” It has since escaped. We regret the error.
