The restlessness steals over me again. The first time I had felt this strange unease I had been in my late 30’s, soon after my father’s death. I had run to my tree and checked it daily, afraid to find some trace of the same disease that had sickened my father’s. But every leaf had been perfect and the bark whole.

Laith Lus found me. He heard my doubts and worries. He understood. Once, he had roamed far beyond our forests to stand in distant cities. Restlessness is rare in a culture that is rooted. But it comes. Laith Lus assured me all was well.

Free of worries and with his encouragement, I ranged far, skirting our borders with the curiosity of the young teenager I was. We hoped it would be enough, but it wasn’t. Laith Lus helped me prepare for my first journey south and explained to my mother I would be well. It was my path to go.

I left twice. That first time when I was 39 and then again when I was 48, but not since. I learned much out there in the world beyond our forest, in the land controlled by the Church. I learned how different are the Kith and to be proud of that.

I found peace with who I was and discovered unexpected friendships. I received help and returned it. Coming home, I even found happiness in the true joy of family and belonging – of acceptance. But I never did find what it was that drove me away from here. Surely my restlessness has a purpose. I came home when the itch of being away from my tree outweighed the drive to wander.

It has been fifteen years. I thought the discontent may have left me. I hoped whatever had drawn me away before had been answered. If it had, then I could be content to be here. My mother’s wishes for me to choose, though she never expressed them directly – or no more directly than my through my sister – weighed on me. There is no one I feel so strongly about. But maybe if I tried, if I would not leave again . . . . I could try. I could consider it. No Kith other then Laith Lus understands this need within me. But if the feeling were gone truly, maybe I could share my life.

And then, a few mornings ago, I woke up and I knew. I knew the restlessness had not gone and that my life would still take me beyond Lus na Sithchaine and the forests. I knew there was no one here for me, despite so many wishes on that path.

Maybe I have not learned what it is that drives me but for once I did not try to explain. I just said No. No, I will not dance. No I will not join. I am here, a part of this culture, but my part is not what you expect or want. It is not the normal. I don’t know what it is yet, but I will wait and prepare.

Every morning, I become more and more aware of the borders of our lands, the boundaries, and what is beyond. I spend time in Drufforth with Skree, my old friend. I learn the names of the boats coming and going.

The time is not yet, but it is coming. Something is coming.